Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
