Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
