I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
