4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
