My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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