Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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