It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're like the curious george of whores
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize