Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
