WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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