Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
