and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
