He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
