I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
