oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
