We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
