you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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