in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
