Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
