exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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