That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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