jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
