i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
