I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
