they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
