So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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