totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
