its not stalking. its research.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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