he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
where am i from again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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