Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
