Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize