i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
