I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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