Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
