You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize