this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
