STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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