Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
