youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
