im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
