and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
