so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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