Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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