I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
