you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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