the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
