there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
