I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
