booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
