My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
