After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
