Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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