I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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