you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
