I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
