I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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