So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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