We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
