you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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