Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
