she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
