One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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