I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
they need to just BURY HIM!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
