can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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