My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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