I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
