i love accidental penises.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
