I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
