Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
