Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
