You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.