can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
