babies were throwing up all over the place
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.