you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
