The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.