I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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