I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
